


My Sanity's An Illusion

by Shadowsrulemymind



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Blood and Gore, F/F, F/M, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, If that changes ill warn yall, Ill just tag as i go instead of throwing them out there now, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Insomnia, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mental Illness, Murder, Other, Psychological Horror, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, This is going to get really messed up, Violence, the non-con isnt explict
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2018-09-21 20:21:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9564812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowsrulemymind/pseuds/Shadowsrulemymind
Summary: In Gravity Falls, Oregon, 22-year-old Dipper Pines struggles with mental illness. With violent urges and a worsening case of schizophrenia, will he remain strong or will he give in to the monster within?





	1. Wolf in sheep's clothing

 

_You step lightly, careful not to make a sound._

_He has no idea you're behind him._

_Then, with all your strength you lunge forward and grab him. Pulling him back against your chest and sinking your teeth into his throat, you jolt your head back to tear the flesh away. His screams turn into a strange gurgling noise as spews of blood spray across the walls._

  
_His body falls forward with a loud thud. You turn the man over onto his back you begin to feast, tearing his shirt away you lean over his stomach. You open your mouth and close it on the flesh sinking your teeth in. The skin breaks under the force and soon you are able to easily tear away the meat and consume it._  
You can feel blood covering your mouth and dripping off onto the ground.

_Pulling back and letting out a pleased moan, you open your eyes and the world is stained red with blood. You grin. The taste of blood is metallic and the smell is sharp and fills your senses._

_You feel powerful._

_You hope the rush of adrenaline never ends..._

 

________________________________________

 

Light filters through the blinds. Birds songs drift around the room. The memories of your dream are still present. The taste of blood and flesh, the feeling of your teeth tearing away a life. That feeling of strength and power.

You sigh.

Sitting up in bed and pushing away your sheets and blankets, You stand. Opening the drawer next to you, you take a glance at the pill bottle there.

 

_Fluoxetine._

 

Starring a moment longer you then grab your pack of cigarettes and close the drawer. It’s been a while since you’ve taken those pills, and you're not taking them anytime soon again. Grabbing your flannel off of the hook by your door you slip it on and head down the stairs. The floorboards creaking underneath your feet.  
Reaching the bottom floor, You turn and head for the back door. Opening it and closing it gently you pull out you're lighter. Lighting the cigarette and taking a drag. The smoke drifts from your mouth, the wind carrying it away.

“Didn’t you tell Mabel you quit smoking?”

Turning you find Melody standing in the doorway, her image distorted ever so slightly from the screen. She smiles at you and opens the door and stands on the porch next to you. “Quitting isn’t easy you know,” You say despite that you never actually put an effort into quitting. Melody looks at you, her look says she knows exactly that.

She takes a deep breath of the morning air, her belly bulges out slightly more with the intake. You smile knowing that the baby is growing well.

Looking out into the forest now taking another drag, letting the smoke float away.

“Are you okay, Dipper?” Melody whispers.

You can’t stop the sad sigh from escaping your lips. You always try so hard to hide your mental state from everyone, they have their own lives to worry about without your issues as well. However, it always seems like Melody knows you aren't doing good. She has talked to you at times suggesting that she is aware that you don't take your medication. So far it seems that she hasn't told Mabel. Good. She doesn’t need to worry about you.

“I’m okay Melody I promise. I just haven’t been able to concentrate lately, you know?” You reply, voice soft and a bit hoarse. Melody stares a bit longer before turning back to the door “I’m going to go have breakfast, okay?” She then opens the door and enters the house. You stay longer just staring, your mind lost. The feeling of your cigarette burning to your fingers brings you back.

Quickly you snuff the cigarette out against your skin.

Turning and entering the shack, you head to the kitchen needing coffee to wake up a bit more. Heading to the coffee machine you pass Soos who’s cooking some food for himself and melody. “Hey dude, you want any?” he asks pointing towards whatever he made. You shake your head no. He stares a moment longer before continuing. He’s has been getting increasingly worried about you as of late as well.

Soos is always taken for an idiot but he’s actually pretty smart. He knows you’re getting worse in some way, he may not know exactly in what way but you both know if he feels things have gone too far he would call someone so that you can get "help".

It's always so much harder hiding things from someone when you live with them.

Taking the finished coffee you sit down next to Melody, she smiles and scoots slightly closer. She always loves to talk about Gravity Falls with you. She really does love it here even with all the hectic madness that happens.

“Have you found anything interesting out there recently?” She says, Taking a drink you set down your mug “Well the Griffins are nesting in the valley again, they seem okay right now. I have to go tell the town they are there so no one gets injured.” you reply. Soos walks over with their breakfast and sets it down.

“How many do you think there is this year?”

“Seems like a flock of about 20, there are some that look like they have had a few runs with hunters but other than that they look healthy-” there's a knock on the door interrupting you. You stand up form your chair and walk to the door. You pull it open and Gideon Gleeful stands before you.

After everything with Weirdmaggdon ended Gideon went to a therapist for help with his aggression and his controlling habits. He ended up diagnosed with bipolar disorder and started taking medication to calm it. He really straightened up after he went to the doctors and at a point, during 2016, Gideon asked Mabel if she was okay and willing to try a relationship with him. Mabel had been talking to him before that and with how much he improved she said yes. It was only a few months ago had Gideon asked Mabel if she would marry him. She now wore the ring proudly and happily.

Occasionally it was still hard for you to see them together. You always worry for Mabel and her safety, but you know Gideon has truely changed and would never willingly hurt Mabel in any way. 

 

”Dipper! Hi, I came over because Mabel forgot her scarf here last night?” He drawled out in his thick southern accent and gave you his chubby-cheeked grin. Sighing you open the door wider and turn to go upstairs to retrieve the scarf. Gideon, of course, followed close behind after closing the door behind himself. Reaching your room you open the door. When Mabel left her scarf you took it up to place it on your desk so you could take it to her when you went out today. “Stay here outside my room please” you spoke back at him as you grabbed the scarf.

Turning around you felt like hitting the little shit. Gideon stood inside your room looking around like nothing was wrong with where he was.

Trying so hard to talk with a calm voice “Didn’t I say to wait outside the room?” He looks up narrowing his eyes at you “Yes well, Mabel told me that you don’t even let HER in here. I have to wonder why that is.” He said crossing his arms over his chest.  
“Because this is my room and I’m allowed to not let people in Gideon” you respond your voice growing harsher and irritation evident in your tone.

Gideon’s look turns sympathetic which pisses you off even more. “Dipper, you two shared this room. You were so close. Now your distant and Mabel has been trying to reach out but you won’t reach back.” His voice; fuck his voice makes you want to tear out his cords. Your hand gives a slight twitch with the urge of hurting someone.

Trying to quickly snap back from your thoughts you cross your arms so that you could try and hide the way you dig your fingernails into your skin.

 

Gideon sees this.

He looks a little scared. He stares and then it’s like everything clicks together in his mind. “Your... not taking your medication are you?” he whispers. The second it leaves his mouth you're pushing him out of the door. “Get out Gideon.” your voice is betraying your rage, it’s harsh and you can feel the growl deep in your throat.

Fuck you want to punch Gideon.

He looks startled as you shove him out “Dipper! You're not taking them are you!” it’s not a question anymore. He knows you're having issues with your mental health and so he doesn't try and force back against you too much knowing that it would only make things worse. He’s the only one who really knows that you're worse than the doctors had thought. How could he not when while you were 16 you had slammed him to the ground and nearly beat his face in.

He still has a scar on his eyebrow from the punches you landed on his face. He told everyone that you had lashed out at him when morning came. He never said exactly how bad the fight had actually been through, which was a small blessing.

He let himself be pushed out before shoving his foot into the door before you could slam it shut. “Fuck. Off. Gideon” you grind out.

 

“Dipper, you know it’s dangerous not to take them.”

 

You stand in silence. He’s staring at you, his eyes tell you that he knows you’re much much worse than even HE has seen. You know he’s right. You hate that he’s right. “I don’t need medication, I'm fine.” Your voice is quiet as you say this.  
He sighs. “Dipper I get it. You don’t want to need them, but right now you DO need them.” He knows he’s in a position to get punched right now yet he continues, “I’m sorry but you know I have to tell Mabel.” he seems scared, his voice breaking a bit giving away his fear of you hurting him.

Your eyes look up to him, and he tries not to flinch.

You carefully and slowly open the door and walk backward to gain some distance as if that could protect anyone from the storm you want to unleash. Gideon stays outside. He really does understand better than the others what your feeling. You push the thought away. He’s Bipolar and takes medication too yes, but you are not the same. You’re schizophrenic.

Gravity Falls was almost exposed to that secret by Mabel. If only she had known that it wasn't depression making you act out.

 

* * *

 

_It was all over Gideon simply wanting to know why you were pulling away from Mabel as of late._

 

_A loud thud echoed as you slammed Gideon to the ground. You have your hands pushing him further into the dirt and raise your fist before bringing it crashing against his jaw. You can feel his bones and teeth grind against your knuckles through his skin, the feeling makes you twitch. Gideon tries to shove you off and ends up pushing you off only a few feet._

_“Dipper-” Before he even finishes his words you have your hands around his neck cutting off his oxygen supply. He grabs your wrist and gasps his eyes watering from the struggle of trying to breathe. “I'm going to kick your fucking ass” you snarl out. Punching him, again and again, you let THEM grab hold and tell you what to do_

**_HIT HIM HIT HIM HIT HIM HIT HIM HIT HIM HIT HIM HIT HIM_ **

_They scream in your ears and you become deaf to the rest of the world only hearing the screams of encouraged violence._

_You feel Gideon go limp beneath you._

_You stop immediately and it’s completely silent for a split second aside from your heavy breathing. You stare down at the other teen his face is covered in blood and there are deep splits in his skin that you can start to see where bruises will form. You stare down at him and you realize you don’t feel panicked at the prospect that Gideon could be dead. You feel almost....gleeful._

_You probably shouldn’t make stupid puns when you probably just murdered someone._

_Easing off the other teen you continue to stare at the beaten face._

  
**_NOT SO PRETTY ANYMORE HEHEHEHE_ **

_You cringe at the voice but before giving it another thought you reach forward with two fingers pressing them to Gideon’s pulse to check for a heartbeat. There is one. Letting out a breath you sit back trying to think of your next actions. You could carry the fucker to his house or you could call Blubs and Durland and take off before they arrive. Leaving him here is also an option._

  
_**FINISH HIM OFF** _

 

_Now that one was tempting. Instead, you struggle to pull Gideon onto your back and stand up. Fuck was he heavy, but you beginning struggling with him towards his house._

 

* * *

 

That night you set him on his porch knocked on the door and ran as fast as you could before his parents could see you. You had watched from a nearby bush to make sure he got into the house okay.

The second he had woken up Mabel got a text from him telling her that you attacked him. He didn’t press charges but did ask that they take you to a psychiatrist. He confronted you the day before you and Mabel went back to California and told you that while you were hitting him you were grinning and seemed in a daze. That you had started muttering about something. You had been too quiet for him to know what you said.

He was the first to realize you were mentally fucked.

The doctor was the second of course. She asked everyone about your behavior around them, she saw red flags immediately hearing about your social withdrawal, the aggression, and insomnia. She did more poking and prodding before diagnosing you as depressed.

Your parents were horrified.

Mabel was devastated about not helping sooner.

The Stan’s were worried.

Gideon stayed quiet mostly. He probably knew that depression wasn't the case but you have no idea.

Mabel told all of Gravity Falls the next summer you were there. She had done a bunch of research for the past months so she would be able to help with your 'depression'. You thought it was sweet she was trying to help, but now that everyone in Gravity Falls thought that you were depressed they had started treating you like glass that would shatter at any second.

 

The sound of the stair boards creaking snapped you back from your thoughts.

Soos came to the door looking really worried and stood beside Gideon. “Hey dudes, I heard arguing and wanted to make sure you’re doing okay,” he said eyes flipping back and forth between the two. Taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm your nerves you hand Gideon the scarf. “Gideon here was just about to leave when we had a little disagreement,” you say Gideon staring at you a moment trying to decide his next actions. “Yes yes, I was just about to leave. Thank you for Mabel’s scarf back Dipper and have a good day to both of you.” Gideon walks out the door and his thudding feet on the stairs growing fainter signs he really was leaving.

Thank god he’s gone.

Soos stands still staring towards you his eyes trying to figure out your thoughts. Letting out a breath he leaves without a word.  
Your breathing is still heavy and your hands are still giving out small spasms and crave to release the violent urges going through your body. Giving out a low groan you walk to the door and shut it roughly and lock it. Grabbing a box from under your bed you drag it out. A lock keeps anyone out of it. You retrieve the key out of your desk and unlock the chest.

Opening you stare at the multiple magazines set inside it, they have ducktape across their covers hiding the image that would have been there normally.

Pulling out one and opening it to a random page reveals the magazines original content also edited.

On the pages were images of women who were naked and in sexual poses. They would have been normal images of a young adult male if not for the photos of intestines, cuts, bruises, and what looks like different sharp objects punctured through their bodies pasted across the pages. Each one was carefully cut and glued on to look real as possible and like it was originally part of the images. The faces were of the people were all scribbled out.

You let out a shuddering breath as you try to focus on every detail of the gory images.  
Standing you make sure the door is locked and the curtains are closed, after checking you sit on your bed and let your mind wander to dark places.  
You undo your pants and push them down a bit.

 

_**IMAGINE IF WE HAD DONE THAT TO THEM** _

**_TEARED INTO THEIR FLESH AND PULLED THEM APART_ **

__

The thought leaves your body buzzing with pleasure.


	2. First Murder

_Your fingers curled around the scalpel holding it steady._

 

 _You drag it down and watch as the skin split open, blood rising to the surface of the wound. The blood begins to drool down sliding over soft pale skin. Another steady laceration followed by a third soon has the person’s abdomen opened wide with their skin pulled back and chunks of it cut away._  
_Reaching towards a small table you drop the scalpel onto it where the blood drips freely and leaves a wet streak on the cool metal. You then reach into the person's abdomen and grab onto one of their intestines. You pull out the large cord of flesh and raise it up to your mouth before biting into it, feeling gooey and warm flesh.  
_ _The person's blood is running down your chin, sticking to the bit of facial hair there and staining your teeth a dark red._

_Your lips curl into a manic smile as you chew the flesh._

_You swallow down the morsel feeling it slide down the passageway to your stomach.  
_ _Taking a deep breath the smell of blood and death hanging heavily in the air you stare down at the person you have eaten bits from. Their face is cast in shadows and you can’t clearly make out who they are. It could be anyone you’ve met in your life. A passing stranger, a nice man looking for directions, or it could even be someone who has come into the Mystery Shack._

_You could care less who they are. You just want to end their life and eat their flesh._

 

* * *

 

Your eyes open and have to adjust to the light coming from your TV. The title screen of Saw II isn’t all that surprising to you. You stand up from your bed and pick up the blanket, that at one point, had fallen to the floor of your room.  
You walk over to the TV and turn it off, taking out the disk and placing it into its proper case. You place the case back into the large drawer of your desk that held other movies. You had a shelf next to your TV that held movies too but they were sci-fi, animated and fantasy movies. The drawer had your horror movies in it. Movies like the first two _Saw_ movies, the _Hostel_ series, _Cannibal Holocaust_ , and _As Above So Below_ to name a few of them.

You stare at your collection for a moment beginning to space out.

Your dream comes back to you and you are then made aware of how hungry you currently are. Closing the drawer, you walk over to your closet. opening the door you crouch in front of a small refrigerator you keep inside. Opening the fridge you see sodas, a few packets of string cheese and a package that is placed behind the sodas at the very back of the shelf. You move the sodas aside so that you can pull out the small package of raw beef. It's still sealed shut in its original packaging.

You close the small fridge and grab a small paper plate after tearing open the beefs packaging. You place the raw meat onto the plate and set it inside of the microwave that rests upon the mini-fridge.

 

While it heats you grab a stained towel from your closet and lay it down onto the hardwood flooring after folding it in half. The microwave dings and you pull out the warm blood-soaked meat. You set the plate onto the towel and sit down on the towel as well. You pick up the heated up meat and bite into it. You know that raw meat can cause illnesses, but every once in a long while you take whatever raw meat you had bought previously with the intentions of cooking it properly and eating it raw instead. It gave you a satisfaction that you couldn't get from eating cooked meat. It gave you a way to fantasize about cannibalizing another human more vividly.

Taking another bite you sit a chew the flesh slowly before swallowing it down. 

The juices of the meat were running down both your hands and from your mouth. The remaining blood from when the meat was processed is still present in the taste. Every bite you take is chewed slowly as to both savor the moment you rarely let take place as well as to let yourself calm a bit. You may enjoy the act itself and the powerful feeling you obtain from it but you really don't enjoy the way it feels like you're going to collapse into a dissociative state at any moment. 

Soon, the final remains of the meat have been consumed. You sit a moment allowing yourself to space out, your mind empty of all thoughts. Unexpectedly there's a knock on your door that jolts you out of the daze. You feel your anxiety and paranoia crawl its way back into your body. Your hands twitch with the rising aggression of being disturbed. The knock sounds again. You quickly throw the plate into the small garbage can you have, the towel is thrown into the laundry bin along with your shirt once you've clean your mouth and hands as best you could. 

Pulling on a fresh shirt, you place your hand on the doorknob. You take a deep breath trying to calm your mounting involuntary irritation.

 

Opening the door you are met with Melody's raised hand that was about to knock for the third time. "Oh! There you are, I was starting to worry about you." She smiles sweetly before continuing "I wanted to make sure you were okay since it's almost 10 and usually you are up by now." 

You can feel yourself slowly fall back into a relaxed state upon seeing and hearing Melody. Honestly, no one could remain mad at her, she is so sweet and friendly to just about everyone. Wait, fuck you haven't responded yet and Melody looks concerned.

 

“Yeah, I’m just not feeling good this morning you know?” Your voice wavers a slight bit.

She looks so concerned but she only nods in understanding “Alrighty, please try and take it easy today? I know how you can push yourself when sick Dipper.” she says gently. “I’ll come up and check on you later okay?” She gives one last smile and then turns and walks down the stairs. You shut the door gently wincing as it makes a loud bang anyway.

You sigh and slump against the door. You had planned to go out into the woods again today but as it seems that your nerves are more agitated than normal, you'll be staying here.

You stay slumped against the door for a bit trying to think what to do.

 

Pushing off the door you walk over to your desk. Pulling out the chair and sitting down you pull open a drawer. Inside the drawer was four books, each one an exact replica of each other. Reaching in you remove the first book of the four. The book was a journal; a dark brown leather hardcover that required a key to open it. You reach back into the drawer and grab the key. Sliding the key into the lock and turning the key you hear the lock click open. Lifting up the journals over you see entries all written in neat cursive and signed at the very bottom of each page.

 

_Mason Dipper Pines_

 

The journal was a gift from Mabel during your 13th Christmas. She had immediately started saving up money after the two of you had returned from Gravity falls that first summer so that she could buy you a journal of your own. She also had the journal customized with a realistic pine tree on the front of it.

Turning the pages slowly, you see the different entries from when you first started keeping logs of your day to day life. From the first time you started experiencing psychotic urges to the first time you hallucinated.

 

Turning past all those, however, is a page with news articles cut out and pasted on the pages. These fill up a few pages and each one is carefully paste in the book mindful not to make any air bubbles in the paper clippings glued to the pages.

Each of the news clippings is of the same event. A young teenage boy by the name of Justin Cray who went missing. There were other articles about Mabel that related to Justin. Articles about how the teenager attack Mabel and attempted to rape her one night after a few months of dating each other.  
The suspected reason for Justin’s disappearance is that after Mabel escaped him he ran. Either into the forest or to a place far away, either way, no one ever saw Justin again after that night.

No one truly knew what happened to the boy after that night.

At least no one but you.

 

* * *

 

_The open window of the attic let in a nice cool breeze, the curtains fluttering in the wind and the smell of the small towns brisk night air wafted into the room._

 

_You sat there on the bed reading silently, alone in the attic. Mabel had gone out tonight with her boyfriend Justin. You really didn't like him because of the way he clearly thought he was better than everyone. He always showed off Mabel as his girlfriend like she was property and not a human being. Mabel, of course, thought it was just his quirky way of showing affection._

_You always knew better though, Justin was clearly narcissistic. Thankfully, although Mabel was indifferent to Justin's 'unique' way of showing affection, she was very adamant towards him that she wasn't okay with anything further than hugs, cuddling, and small kisses. Mabel had learned that she deserved respect and that she was allowed to deny things to her partners._

_You're really glad that Mabel learned to respect herself as a person but also that you would never have to see anything like a hickey on her skin or something just as disturbing._

_You don't know how you would have handled seeing that disgusting piece of shit try and mark your sister._

 

_Shaking your head to clear away the thoughts you continue reading. That's when you hear some commotion from downstairs. Placing the bookmark into the book you set it down on your bed and exit your room. You walk partially down the stairs when you start to hear crying. Hurrying the rest of the way down you look into the living room to see Mabel in the arm of Grunkle Stan, Ford sitting close by, with Melody and Soos crouched in front of them. Immediately, you're at your sister's side to help comfort her and to find out what happened to cause Mabel to look so terrified and cry._

_“Mabel? What’s wrong?!” You ask panicked since this has never happened before. She never comes home crying and for this to happen something really bad must have happened to her._

_Mabel stares at you and whispers something that makes you freeze and ice to rush through your veins. Your hands twitch with rage at the sound of Mabel's voice quaking in fear._  
  
  
_“Justin tried to rape me...” Mabel whispered._

 _Grunkle Stan immediately hugs her closer and harder, whispering that it will be okay. He pets her hair trying to keep his own anger from his voice. Grunkle Ford also trying to reassure her that she was safe now. You hurry forward to so that you can try and to comfort her too.  
_ _She sobs for hours, tiring herself out till she falls asleep in your great uncle's arms._  

 

_They decide that she will sleep with your Great Uncle's tonight for safety._

The Stan's told you that you should at least try and sleep in your own room before coming into theirs do to worrying about Mabel's health and safety. You agree to this. The moment you have your door shut you're sinking against the door, curling into yourself. You don't know what to do. Your mind keeps jumping from wanting to cry from worry for Mabel to wanting to scream and lash out at something from rage at what had almost happened.

 

_**THE PIECE OF SHIT TRIED TO RAPE MABEL HE TRIED OT HURT HER** _

_**HE MIGHT GET AWAY WITH IT AND THEN HE'LL COME BACK FOR MABEL FIND HIM AND MAKE HIM SUFFER MAKE HIM AWARE OF HOW MUCH OF A MISTAKE IT WAS TO HURT HER** _

_**NO ONE FUCKS WITH YOUR FAMILY** _

_You uncurl and crawl over to your bedside table. Your body shakes as you stand up and reach onto the surface and you can feel your hand brush against your pocket knife. It was something the Stan's had given you considering how much time you spent in the woods of Gravity Falls. It has a black titanium handle and a 3.5-inch steel blade. Your hand curls around the pocket knives handle and you flick it open, light from the tables lamp glints off of the shiny blade. you close the knife back up and slip it into your jeans pocket._

_You grab your pine tree hat and place it onto your head. Walking to the door to your room you turn the lock into place before heading to the window. Opening it as far as the window will allow, you make your way through it._

_Fully sliding out of the window you end up on a ledge that leads to the rest of the roof. Moving along the ledge to climb onto the roof and let yourself slide down it. Reaching the bottom you drop down onto the ground before taking off into the woods. You know exactly where Justin will be. Mabel had told others that the boy lived in a nearby town, but she had lied so that Blubs and Durland wouldn't find out he was a runaway and drag him off into foster care. He had been staying in an old abandoned house that was just outside of town. The place was usually where teens would go to smoke, drink and do other illegal or frowned upon activity._

_Traveling through the forest for about a minute brings you to the abandoned house that Justin should still be in._

_**THE BASTARD IS IN THERE AND HE WILL FUCKING PAY FOR HURTING MABEL** _

 

 

_You make your way down the small hill that leads to the house. Reaching the door you stop, reach into your pocket and withdraw your pocket knife. You flick the knife open before taking a deep breath and opening the door. As soon as you step inside of the house you come face to face with Justin. The other teen is holding a backpack in one hand while the other tries to stuff clothes inside of it. Justin looks up from the pack and immediately drops it. You can see that he's terrified._

_**GOOD HE SHOULD BE**  _

_You take a step forward and you see Justin's eyes look down at your hand. You see his panic rising as he realizes that you're holding a knife. He hurriedly takes three steps backward._

_"Justin, you should have never even thought about hurting my sister." You practically snarl out before charging at the other boy. Before Justin can react you have grabbed him and slammed him to the floor with a loud thud. You see Justin raise his leg and he kicks out at you trying to push you away. He lands a solid hit to your stomach which jolts you back for a moment. You see Justin scramble back trying to get away from you but his back hits a wall. Before he can stand up though, you've recovered enough to lunge forward and embed the knife into Justin's thigh._

_A scream rips from his throat at the pain. You yank the knife loose before Justin can even think of trying to steal the knife away from you._

_**FUCKING KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH HE DESERVES TO HURT HE DESERVES TO SUFFER HE DESERVES TO DIE** _

_**HE NEEDS TO DIE** _

 

_You can hear the voices screaming at you to take Justin's life and not a single part of you wants to go against the idea. You smile. "You thought you could just up and leave after what you tried to do to Mabel. You thought you'd get away with this. DIDN'T YOU? WELL GUESS WHAT JUSTIN, YOU WERE FUCKING WRONG!" You scream in the face of the teen that is leaned up against the wall trembling. You grit your teeth in rage and raise the knife above your head before bringing it down. The blade sinks into Justin's stomach pulling a broken sobbed scream from him. You pull the knife back out before plunging it back in._

_You feel Justin's blood gush and pour out of his body with every stab. The thick red liquid can be felt pooling beneath both of you and splattering up onto your bodies._

_You can feel Justin growing limp._

_Raising the knife one last time, you slam the blade into flesh and rip the knife sideways to cut open Justin's stomach._

 

**_HE WILL NEVER HURT ANYONE AGAIN_ **

**_HE WILL NEVER HURT MABEL AGAIN_ **

 

 

_Justin lays, his blood spilling from his stomach. His eyes are wide, glassy and still full of terror. You should feel horrible for killing someone but you can only feel satisfaction._

_You drop the knife at your side and it gives a dull thud as it hits the wood. Raising your hands up you see they are covered and soaked in blood. The blood almost reaches your elbows in spots. You lower them and take a look around taking in your surroundings. The front of your shirt is soaking wet as are your jeans, you can feel splattered drops of blood on your face, the pool of blood had extended outward around you and-_

_You see your hat laying on the ground a foot away. It had been knocked off in the fight with Justin, and now it sat in a pool of blood. The fabric soaked up any of the liquid that it came into contact with._

_Your hat was ruined._

 

* * *

 

 The remainder of that night consisted of dragging Justin's lifeless body further out into the woods, and dropping it off along with your hat and knife before you covered it with a bush and running back to the Mystery Shack to change clothes. 

You had arrived back to the shack and used the bathroom window to enter. Mabel had always forgotten to close it. With everyone now asleep it had been easy for you to take a quick shower before going into your room and changing clothes. Any blood was cleaned up with a towel and it, along with the soaked clothes, was put into a plastic bag. You had grabbed the bag and left through the window once more, stopping to grab one of the shovels Grunckle Stan owned as well as a large jug of gasoline that was for the golf cart.

It took almost the rest of that night to dig a hole deep enough to fully bury Justin's body. 

The boy had been dragged over and pushed into the hole. You had dumped the plastic bag of your clothes, the towel, and your knife next. Finally, you held your hat in hand. You stared at it for a moment remembering when you first got it and all the adventures it had accompanied you on. The hat was what symbolized your tie to whatever the prophecy with Bill had been. Taking a deep breath you held the hat over the hole and let go. As you watched your hat disappear into the darkness of the hole you could feel as though the person you had been before that night was following it in. Whatever innocence you had left was with that hat now. You had stepped back, picked up the shovel and begun to fill in the hole.

 

Once the hole had been filled in you had picked up the jug of gasoline you brought with and headed to the abandoned house. You made sure to pour the gasoline all over the spot where Justin had been killed. Justin's backpack was drenched too and soon you had emptied the jug. The jug had been thrown into the house so that it too would be burned up.

Pulling a lighter out of your pocket you picked a stick up off of the ground and lit it on fire. 

You had made sure that the gasoline had caught fire before leaving.

You knew that the fire would just be chalked up to either someone who didn't put out their cigarette all the way before leaving or if Mabel told them that Justin had been staying here then they would assume that Justin had burned down the house to hide the fact that he had been there.

 

After you climbed back through the bathroom's window, you entered your room and changed clothes again. After that was done you grabbed the blanket off of your bed and headed down the stairs. You walked to the room that the Stan's were staying in while back in Gravity Falls, the door was cracked open. You slowly pushed the door open a bit to peek inside. The Stans were both asleep on two inflatable mattresses, Mabel was curled up with Grunckle Stan in his, while Grunckle Ford was in his which has been moved closer. You smiled at seeing that Mabel had been able to get some sleep. Entering the room quietly you curl your blanket around your body as you sat on the floor leaning up against the wall. 

You stared out the window, seeing that the night sky was starting to change color with the approaching dawn. You had made it back to the shack just in time before anyone found out you had been gone. 

 

With that final thought, you had drifted off to sleep. 


	3. Memories and Persuasion

The sun shines down from its place high up in the sky, birds sing and chatter in the trees all around you. You take a sip of water from the bottle you brought with you. You can hear large heavy footfalls thud behind you. Turning around you grin up at the large multi-headed and multi-limbed bear that sits down next to you after exiting his cave.

You hadn’t seen Multi-Bear in a few weeks, letting him have time to make final preparations for hibernation in the remnants of the warm weather so that when the winter's cold settled in he’d be okay. Today was the last time you would see him until April. Ever since moving to the Falls you have kept this routine to visit the mutated creature before his hibernation period and afterward, once he woke back up. 

You stare up at Multi-bear, you can see how tired he is from the way each heads eyes look like they already want to close and drift off to sleep.

“You look like hell..” you murmur with a light smile, Multi-bear giving you a large grin in return.

“You don’t look so good yourself.” he replies. A few moments of silence pass before Multi-bear spoke once more.

"You aren't taking proper care of yourself are you, Dipper?" you look up at the bear in confusion.

“I may not be a normal bear but I’m still an animal, Dipper. I can sense this sort of thing.” is the rumbled response. You can see a look of curiosity and concern in his dark brown eyes. The two of you were close ever since the first day you had met, you're not surprised that the creature would be concerned for you.

"Come on Multi, I know I may forget to eat at times and I can be compulsive, but I'm okay." you give Multi-bear a playful shove, laughing when the bigger creature doesn't so much as wobble at the force.

Multi-bear lets out a huff, smiling back at you as he lets the subject drop.

 

* * *

 

You sat with Multi-bear for hours talking until nightfall began to creep closer and closer. Before you leave, Multi-bear gives you a hug and you wait with him as he falls into a deep slumber. Once the Multi-bear has begun to snore softly, you get up and grab your backpack and begin to walk home.

As you walk through the forest back to the shack you have a realization of something.

You left too late.

You stare up through the branches of the trees surrounding you, seeing what little remains of the sunsets beautiful colors being chased from the sky by darkness dotted with the first few stars.  At this rate, you know you won't be able to make it to the shack before the forest is shrouded in darkness. The realization is alarming. Normally you'd be fine, you carry a hunting knife with you at all times ever since an incident where a Gremloblin had stumbled into town and you are in no way afraid of the dark considering you love nighttime. The thing that scares you is what will inevitably come once the dark has settled. 

You walk for a few more minutes before you and the forest around you is plunged fully into the darkness of night. 

You can feel paranoia and anxiety crawling up your skin, and for a few seconds, you feel as though there might actually be bugs on you.

The thought is completely forgotten though as soon as you see something in the corner of your left eye. 

You freeze, looking around to your left trying to decide if something was actually there or not. You could have sworn you saw a black object moving around. You know that it could just be your mind playing tricks on you and that you might very well be simply hallucinating something there, but it never really matters whether something is actually there or not because the panic you feel is real. The anxiety is real. The fear is real. Most importantly, it feels real and even if you were constantly aware of what was simply a hallucination, you'd still be scared of it. Just because you know it's not real doesn't mean that it will stop the emotions it causes.

You stand there looking for something in the dark and find nothing. 

Letting out a shaky breath you try and tell yourself that you ate safe and that nothing is actually going to hurt you-

 

_**why hello there** _

 

A high pitched voice directly next to your ear has your body seizing with panic. Suddenly it's like all hell has broken loose, You can see creatures moving all around you, muffled whispers filled your ears along with the sound of the creatures moving around. You see one of the creatures moving towards you.

Without a second thought, you take off, running in the direction of the Mystery Shack.

You run as fast as your legs will take you hoping that it's fast enough to get away.

You don't know if the creatures are real or not and you're not about to stop and find out. You just need to focus on getting to the shack. if you can make it there then you're safe. But, you see the creature running almost beside you. Trees block them but they are still there, catching up to you. A silent threat of death as it moves through the trees. 

You can already feel your breathing becoming harsher as both running and panicking takes any air your lungs hold. 

You can't stop though, you have to keep going. If you stop you will surely die. You can't let that happen. 

Branches snapping alert you to something above. You don't look up, that would slow you down, but you can hear something chasing you through the branches. Something crawling and jumping tree to tree to hunt you down. Something that, If you make one slip up, will kill you. Right now it feels like you might slip up. The dark feels hopeless and draining. Never ending as you try and escape. You can almost barely see where you're putting your feet and you pray that you won't trip.

You wonder if you'll ever make it.

If you are going to die here.

 

Then, like a gateway to heaven, the shacks lights shine dimly through the scattered arrangement of trees. You feel relief and joy as you push your tired body to attempt to run just a little faster.

You're just about to the edge of the trees, the clearing that the Mystery Shack rests within is almost in reach.

Without any warning, a giant black mass drops down from the trees in front of you. You try to skid to a halt before the mass but mud underneath your feet has you slipping and instead of simply stopping you fall onto your back, landing in the mud. You're eyes look to the mass in front of you.

The mass has two arms that each one, at it's 'elbows' splits in two with a single hooked claw adorning the ends of the limbs. The claws are punctured all the way through the trunks of the trees it hangs between. A long neck holds up its head which mostly consists of a long snout and lacks any eyes. The mass has its jaws partially parted, exposing long needle-like teeth.

The black mass looks down on you.

You try and scramble backwards to get some distance between you and the creature.

The creature moves forwards, one of its claws yanks from the tree and impales the ground next to your head. It leans over you, its jaws opening wider and wider to expose more of its teeth. The creature's jaws continue to extend open until they are wider than you are tall, and with that thought, the mass lunges forward like a snake. You feel all the air leave your lungs as you let out a soundless scream.

 

“Dipper! Yo dude, are you okay?”

Your eyes snap open, only seeing tree branches swaying gently in a light breeze. The creature- or, the hallucination was gone. You sit up from laying on your back and look to the Mystery Shack, Soos stands at the bottom of the porch stairs looking in your direction. You can feel yourself trembling and your breathing still fast as you struggle to stand up. Your legs feel both numb and sore at the same time. You feel detached from the world.

Slowly you make your way to where Soos stands waiting for you, trying to compose yourself enough that he wouldn't get too worried.

The second you get close enough, Soos reaches a hand out to you in a seemingly friendly and helpful way, but you move away a bit hoping that it conveyed to him that you didn't want to be helped or touched. His hand thankfully stops and moves back to his side.

"hey dude, you alright? I was walking past a window when I saw you running towards the shack and slip. You backed up a bit and then just laid there." Soos said with a voice filled with confusion and concern. 

"Oh, yeah I'm okay, I slipped in some mud and wanted to scoot back out of it before standing up. I kinda just laid there to catch my breath since running and then being startled by an unexpected slip in the mud does kind of take the breath out of you." you laugh and playoff everything as fine. You can't let him know anything is wrong and if you stick to the lying tricks that you picked up from Grunkle Stan then he won't ever figure it out.

"Why were you running? Is something out there?!" Soos asks, looking back into the forest.

"Oh no no, nothings out there I just didn't want to be out so late in the dark." You reply.

Thankfully that seemed to be all of Soos' questions about what had just happened. He opens the door and holds it so that you can enter before he follows through and closes both the screen door and the heavy wooden one, locking them both. You don't see Melody but knowing that must be pretty late, Soos and Melody were probably just about to go to sleep.

"I'm going to go get cleaned and get to bed, okay?" You turn and say to Soos.

"Okay, dude! Goodnight, I hope you sleep well." Soos replies with a smile as he begins to make his way to his and Melody's room.

"Night Soos, tell Melody I said goodnight." With those final words, you walk upstairs.

The moment you're on the second floor you lean against the wall and sag, letting your body tremble. You feel sick to your stomach from the anxiety and stress of hallucinating. Hallucinating sucks, especially when you know it's going to happen and you can't prevent it. You're not entirely sure why but when it's dark you are far more prone to visual hallucinations such as seeing those creatures. It wasn't the first time encountering this one. The first time you had hallucinated the creature was when you were 16 years old. It was during April as you were walking back home from a little hideaway you had made in a close by shallow ravine. You had been walking past a park when it happened. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a black shape move and at first, you had assumed it was a person sitting on the playground until you turned your head. Seeing the creature there had scared you absolutely shitless as it had moved towards you. 

You had run home so fast that night terrified of what you had seen. It took you a while to figure out that it was a visual hallucination but it hadn't done much to comfort you. 

So that you could write about it in your journals you had given the creatures a single name to call them by. They were named 'Blair' after the park you had seen them in. 

You breathe out a sigh now that you weren't trembling. You still felt disconnected and sick but you were still better. Pushing off the wall you walk to your room and open the door. You open a drawer in your dresser and snatch some clothes from it. You exit and enter the bathroom, all too ready to take a shower. Setting the fresh clothes on the counter you look down at yourself and grimace. Your clothes are covered and mud and you can feel it begin to harden in places where the mud is thinner. You work the muddy clothes off of your body before dropping them in a pile on the floor. 

Turning on the faucet of the shower you turn the water's temperature to nearly scalding and duck underneath the cascading water.

The hot water is wonderful on your sore muscles and cold skin but also the hot water being nearly painful was creating a great way of easing your dissociation. It was so relaxing you never wanted to leave. If you could choose where you died, you would choose dying in water.

 

* * *

 

An hour passes before all the hot water has turned to an icy cold. The heat of the room long since dissipated. You turn off the water and step out of the shower, reaching for the towel so that you could dry off before you tracked too much water across the floor. You finish drying off and pull the clean clothes on before exiting the bathroom with your dirty clothes held in one hand. 

Once you enter your room you toss the dirty clothes into the basket so that you could wash them later. 

You close the door and turn the lock in place. You never felt safe sleeping with the door unlocked. Paranoia really was a bitch.

For a moment you stand there, staring into your room trying to decide what to do next. You really should get to sleep; however, you know that you won't be able to fall asleep easily since you don't feel even the slightest bit tired. You let out an annoyed sigh. You would think with a panic attack, a hallucinatory episode and dissociating that you would be tired, but alas your body could be about to pass out and your brain would want to keep going. Fuck.

You groan and walk over to your desk. If you can't sleep then you might as well pull out your journal and write about today and the hallucination. Keeping track of it all gives you some sort of control over it.

 ** _NORMALITY_ I _SN'T_** _**REALLY OUR THING THOUGH NOW IS IT** _

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, IT'S ONLY BEEN AN HOUR!"

_**HEHEHEHE BUT ISN'T IT NICE HAVING SOMEONE TO TALK TO WE BOTH KNOW YOU GET LONELY EVEN THOUGH IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT NO ONE TALKS TO YOU ANYMORE** _

"Oh shut up, I really don't want to deal with you assholes right now." 

_**WELL THAT'S NOT A VERY NICE WAY TO TALK TO YOUR ONLY FRIENDS WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO PUSH US AWAY TOO** _

_**NOW YOU'RE JUST NOT GOING TO RESPOND HUH** _

You just need to keep ignoring them. Don't respond and ignore them and hopefully, they will become a background noise.

_**YOU KNOW WE HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING EVERYONE IN GRAVITY FALLS HAS BEEN UNKNOWINGLY SAFER EVER SINCE JUSTIN DISAPPEARED WHAT IF WE DID IT AGAIN WITH OTHERS IN CLOSE TOWNS WHO ARE DISGUSTING AND WORTHLESS LIKE JUSTIN WAS** _

_**WE COULD BE GRAVITY FALLS SAVIOR** _

_**THE WORLDS SAVIOR** _

You have to stop writing and process whether you heard that correctly or not. 

"You think we- I should go out and just senselessly kill people?"

_**WE DIDN'T SAY SENSELESSLY YOU DUMB SHIT WE SAID TO GO FOR THOSE LIKE JUSTIN CRIMINALS THAT THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER WITHOUT** _

_**WE DID THE WORLD A FAVOR BY KILLING JUSTIN WE DISPOSED OF SOMETHING BAD** _

_**WE COULD DO IT AGAIN SAVE THE WORLD BY OFFING THOSE WHO DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE** _

"No, I wouldn't say yes anyway but it would be too risky to just start killing people. I could have been caught for Justin's murder. They could have found out."

_**BUT THEY DIDN'T WE ARE TOO SMART** _

_**NO ONE WOULD EVER KNOW** _

_**YOU WOULD BE THEIR SECRET HERO BY KILLING THEM BESIDES YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO DO IT AGAIN** _

_**THE BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS MADE YOU FEEL STRONG AND POWERFUL IT MADE YOU FEEL CONFIDENT KNOWING YOU BROUGHT THAT FUCKER PAIN AND FEAR YOU WOULD FEEL THAT AGAIN THAT SAME POWER, CONFIDENCE, AND JOY YOU KNOW IT'S A TEMPTING OFFER** _

Fuck.

Fucking hell, this was one of the worst parts of hearing voices. They know exactly how to entice you and convince you into doing things. They know exactly what you feel and what you want. They know how much you want to take another's life again. You used to tell yourself that you didn't actually want to kill someone again, that it was just the schizophrenia, but you know damn well now that it's not your schizophrenia. It simply is just the person you are. 

As a kid, you were kind and sweet, but over time things just changed. You gained urges for violence and a fascination with death. 

It had started long before you started developing schizophrenic symptoms.

_**YOU KNOW THEY WOULD NEVER CATCH US WE KNOW EVERYONE IN TOWN AND THEY ALL THINK WE ARE TOO MEEK TO HURT OTHERS** _

_**WE KNOW THE INS AND OUTS TO CRIME SCENES** _

_**NOT A SINGLE PERSON WOULD BE ABLE TO FIGURE IT OUT** _

You keep trying to repeat in your head that it's wrong. You shouldn't. Too many risk and too many ways things could go wrong. You'd be giving in. 

But that rational part of your brain is almost too quiet to hear over the voices temptation. You'd be helping people by ending the lives of those who threaten their safety. You would feel the same strength and confidence as you did. Confidence that you rarely felt. Damn it. 

_**WHAT IF ONES OF THEM TRIES TO HURT MABEL BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T KILL THEM** _

 

And there's the hardest strike to your resolve. 

You would do anything to keep Mabel safe. You never wanted to see the same hurt she felt after Justin. The same fear she had. The distrust.

She had been confident around tons of guys beforehand but after what happened she was wary around men that were strangers. She didn't trust them as easily. She did eventually get better about it and could now deal with guys on a daily without panicking but she had still been traumatized by Justin. Gideon had been there for her and had helped her through the fears. He helped save her and you will always be grateful for that. 

But what if it happened again and Mabel wasn't as lucky to get away before anything could really be done.

They could rape her, beat her, torture her. They could kill her. 

You didn't like the idea of giving into something that wasn't real but the voices had a point. You'd help people. You'd help Mabel. 

You'd be a savior. 

"If I do this then I'll be giving up more control. Giving up more of the normal life I want."

_**BUT THE POSITIVES OUTWEIGH THE NEGATIVES** _

_**YOU DON'T NEED TO BE NORMAL FUCK NORMAL** _

"We still live with Soos and Melody. Would we be able to hide it all from them? They have a baby on the way, I can't bring them into this."

_**THEN WE MOVE OUT BEFORE WE START** _

_**WE GET OUR OWN LITTLE SAFE HOUSE WHERE WE CAN BE US WHENEVER WE WANT** _

 

It was a good idea to have a place of your own anyway. Melody and Soos let you stay in the shack since it was big and had lots of rooms, they also used the 'you're family' as a reason you could stay with them, but you need to leave that behind. They can't house you forever. You don't want that. 

Another plus to your own house would be that you could do whatever you wanted there. You wouldn't have to pretend to be okay. Trying to hide breakdowns, trying to hold your hands still within your pockets so they wouldn't do the weird spasm thing they do, you wouldn't be trying to hide any kind of hallucination either. It would be freedom. Shit, you wouldn't have to pretend that you're still taking a medication that doesn't even work.

The fluoxetine would just give you severe headaches which just increased your mental instability and created a cycle of worse and worse headaches. 

You stopped taking for that reason but also a second reason. Your father. 

He was so pissed off that you were diagnosed with depression. He thought it was a joke of a mental disorder, that it was just people being pathetic and silly. He would be careful not to make it obvious to your mom or Mabel but he would demean you for taking medication. Small comments about 'joking' that you were a drug addict.

 

"If I do this... Then I get to make the choices of how it happens."

_**I THINK WE HAVE AN AGREEMENT** _

Sighing, you close your eyes.

This is going to be a fucking wild ride. 

 


	4. Passing of legends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A playlist for this fic:  
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL98LTFIJ_ARQncL88cxI6kTQDEmhz635B  
> This is the music I listen to while writing this train wreck of a fic so enjoy I guess.

Careful hands move over flesh with a tool. They are careful not to mess up the design in the woman's skin.  The lines were perfect and there's no way you're going to mess it up now.

You carefully fill in orange within the black outline of a monarch butterfly. It’s been about half an hour of carefully using the tattoo pen to create beautiful artwork. The woman, who you learned was named Jane, had been wanting a tattoo for a long time but never got up the courage to get one and she didn’t even know what exactly she wanted til coming to the falls.

Apparently, Jane had seen a monarch in the museum's insect display and finally made up her mind about a tattoo.

You're glad she decided to get her first tattoo here. Ursa Ink may not be well-known or even that big, but you sure as hell make sure everyone who gets a tattoo or piercing in your shop in completely happy with what they get and that it is done properly. You have met quite a few tattoo shops that are unsafe and don’t use proper safety restrictions.

Also, a plus of being a tattoo artist is that if you want a tattoo of your own and it’s in an easy to reach spot, you can do the tattooing yourself without having to go out of town.

You look up when you hear the small bell that Mabel had put on the door, jingle.

Speak of the devil.

 

Mabel in all her joyful glory walks in waving happily as she spots you working. Honestly, she really shouldn’t be coming over here while your working but you know she’s probably here to check on you. She is truly a wonderful sister.

“Dipper! Hey, bro-bro how are you doing today?” She walks closer careful not to cross the tape laid down as a mark not to move any further into the shop unless told.

“Hello to you too Mabel.” you replay with a gentle grin.

 

She leans against the wall watching as you work. Glancing up you can see the three small stars that she had you tattoo next to her left eye. The bigger of the stars being the colors of the trail of the shooting star from her old favorite sweater. Her hair had grown out into long curls that she liked to keep in a bun with a bit still loose to hang across the side of her face. She currently wore a pastel pink shirt that had an image of a cat mixed with an octopus that was a bright green stamped on the front. Her flannel was tied around her waist and further down was one of her many assortments of leggings.

This particular pair was black with a rose print on them.

Finally was her hiking boots. Those were honestly a gift from you when you realized she liked to wander through the woods in slip-on shoes. She was going to hurt herself that way! So one Christmas, you gave them to her as a gift that had been paired with craft materials.

 

After about 15 more minutes you’ve finished Jane’s tattoo. She thanks you, pays for your work and leaves a tip of 10 dollars. Soon she’s out the door and heading off to wherever the hell she wants.

 

Glancing over at the clock you notice that the time would soon reach 5:30 PM which meant it was time to close.

You start to place your equipment into a cabinet so you can lock everything up until tomorrow. Mabel notices you doing this and gives a soft giggle. You look over at her and see her trying to hide her smile with a hand. Raising an eyebrow at her she removes her hand and explains.

“Sorry Dip, I just thought it was kinda funny that you lock up your things even though no one in the falls would break in to steal any of this. The town loves you especially since you help keep the beings in the forest in check for them.” She says with a smile.

You let out a snort at her logic.

 

“Mabel I know the town folks wouldn’t come in here and take anything but you have to remember the falls is also a tourist attraction and that strangers won’t be same.”

 

You see Mabel cross her arms and give you a look that clearly said that she was skeptical and thought you were being a butt. You laugh as you finish placing the lock on the cabinet. Turning towards your sister you gently push her towards the door.

“OH! I almost forgot that I wanted to ask you about going out for dinner with me?” Mabel exclaims watching you lock the shop's doors. You glance at her in surprise. It’s been forever since you and Mabel did anything like that in a pretty long time. The last time you could remember had been maybe a few months ago. You can see the hope in her eyes.

“I mean we haven’t just talked and hung out for a long time…” Mabel continues appearing nervous. You don’t even need to think about your answer.

“Of course I’ll go Mab’s” you reply.

 

You only have a moment to brace as Mabel pulls you into a tight hug. You notice that she’s gotten stronger. Laughing to yourself you hug her back.

 

* * *

 

You and Mabel walk to a small fast food establishment that was pretty close to your shop. You came here pretty often when you weren’t feeling up to bringing food to eat during work or if you just completely forgot to bring food. You really need to start putting up sticky notes so that you would remember.

Mabel grins and walks ahead to pull the door dramatically for you her head down in a mock bow.

You laugh walking into the building watching Mabel dart in after you before the door shut again. She walks up to the counter first ordering her food and gently chatting with the cashier as she does. You really wish that you were able to be that social with people. Mabel always made it seem easy.

She finishes her order and moves aside so that you can order your own food. Stumbling through your words, you feel like a moron.

 

It’s times like this you realize why everyone in school had bullied you and said you’d always be alone.

 

You manage to get your order across and walk over to where Mabel has chosen a table. It’s by the window and you can see her staring outward at the sun that was inching closer and closer to setting fully to make way for the moon. You sit in the chair across from her.

“We should go on an adventure in the woods again sometime.” She whispers.

You watch her wondering where this came from. Mabel turns her head to look at you, there’s a sad look in her eyes even though there’s a smile on her face.

“I know we basically discovered everything here in the falls but wouldn’t it be nice to do what we did the first summer we were here? We could go find all the places from back then. Before we knew everything that hid in the woods…” Mabel slows to a stop seemingly lost in her thoughts.

 

You watch her feeling a bit guilty.

You had wanted to go out like that all the time when you were teens but Mabel had been preoccupied with being the social butterfly. When you wanted to go out and just forget about your worries of being teens and soon adults in seemed that Mabel always had something else she was doing. She would go off with all her friends and you would either sit waiting in your room alone or you would go out by yourself.

Things that used to be fun didn’t seem all that fun anymore when you were alone.

Well….

Physically alone…

  
You immediately push those thoughts away and watch Mabel again. You open your mouth to respond when suddenly there are two trays being set in front of you and Mabel.

 Looking up you see an employee of the food joint smiling down at you and Mabel.

 

“It’s been a while since we had the both of you here.” Robbie Valentino stood smiling down at the two of you. You smile back at him. You are so thankful that Robbie who was your former rival had decided to clean himself up and was now a friend of yours.

He didn’t have the black hair anymore but its natural russet brown, the black eyeliner was still present however not as heavily applied and his acne mostly gone with only a few marks here and there. His usual hoodie was replaced with a white dress shirt, he wore dark dress pants alongside the shirt as well. The teenager who once bullied you and once attempted to kick your ass was gone and instead replaced with the slightly formally dressed college student before you.

 

Saying that the years changed him was an understatement.

“HEY ROBBIE!” Mabel exclaimed making you flinch back. Realizing the way you reacted you mentally scold yourself for being startled by your sister shouting.

“Hey Robbie, how are you doing? Is Tambry doing good?” You ask. Robbie smiles and you can see the joy in his eyes. He and Tambry must be doing well then.

“Yes actually! I’m finally almost done with college. Tambry is excited for me to finally finish so we can move away from the falls. It… will be really weird not living here anymore…” Robbie trailed off for a moment before snapping back realizing he had to get back to work. He waved a quick goodbye and gave a small ‘enjoy your food’ before walking away.

 

You turn back to Mabel seeing that she’s already eaten a bit of her food.

“He said that Tambry was excited to leave the falls right? Do you think It’s because she’s still trying to get over weirdmageddon?”

 

You look up at her

 

“I think most of the falls is still trying to get over weirdmageddon…” you reply. The town, though they had declared that the events of weirdmageddon wouldn’t be talked about, was still having to deal with the repercussions of the event. Some still woke from nightmares, some dreamed that it never ended and some, mainly you and the others who were part of the wheel, still dealt with flinching at the nicknames that Bill had addressed you by.

'Pine tree' was your own issue. The word could be written and you would be fine but said aloud you would flinch a small bit remembering not just weirdmageddon but also your time in the mindscape while Bill had your body.

Sometimes you’d fall into a panic attack remember the note that Mabel had found in Stan’s car. The note had been from bill claiming his final plan was to throw your body off the water tower in an attempt to make you seem suicidal.

 

Bill had threatened Mabel in that note as well.

 

“Dipper? I know I probably shouldn’t ask this question but um… How has your depression been?” Mabel asked in a quiet voice. Breaking from thought you looked up to see concern in her eyes. You honestly hoped she wouldn’t ask about this. It was hard enough trying not to let it slip that you were schizophrenic but also having to pretend you were cured of depression was just as much of a hassle.

“I assure you Mab’s, I am doing fine. You don’t need to ask about it anymore it’s been a long time and my mental health is perfectly fine.” you reply in just as soft a voice.

Mabel looks like she wants to argue but then stops, sighs and changes the subject. Good.

“Well, If you say so. Oh! I forgot I wanted to tell you that my own business is going well!” she exclaimed.

“I know dad had said that it wasn’t doing to work out but we showed him! We both got the jobs we wanted and are successful even though they aren’t part of large corporations. He really was a jerk when it came to our careers…. But anyway! Gideon’s doing well with being a lawyer. He has had quite a few clients. He loves being able to be a private lawyer since he doesn’t have to charge those crazy amounts most lawyers do.” She smiles the whole time she talks only frowning for a second speaking about your father. Her smile isn’t gone long, however.

 

You and Mabel sit for a while talking back and forth with each other as you eat your food. While Mabel keeps talking instead of eating you yourself finish, pushing the plate away you watch as Mabel continues to talk.

 

She takes a sip of her drink before she’s basically slamming the cup back down. She is slightly choking but holds her hand up when you attempt to help her.

“I ALMOST FORGOT!” she exclaims once she has stopped choking.

“I wanted to ask you if you could keep an eye out for pretty rocks or gems the next time you go out into the woods! I need some more.”

“Hehe, don’t worry Mabel I will keep a lookout for things for you.”

 

Mabel grins before she looks over at the clock hanging on a wall. She looks a little disappointed as she points out that the place would close soon. You can understand where she’s coming from since you were really enjoying spending time with your twin.

You both get up and head to the door waving to Robbie as the two of you exit.

 

As you’re about to say goodbye to Mabel but she grabs your arm. You see her reach into her paint splatter designed satchel. She pulls out a small box and holds it out to you.

Taking the box and opening you’re surprised with what you see. Within the box is a necklace. The necklace is a small sapphire cut into the shape of a pine tree. The sapphire is fitted into a gold rivoli. The back of the rivoli had the Ursa Major constellation carved into it. The pendant as a whole was attached to a leather strip. The necklace was amazing and you could tell how much thought went into it.

“I made it for you. I thought… maybe you would like it….. though if it’s too girly I could take it back….”

Looking back up to Mabel you can see doubt in her eyes. You smile and hug her tightly before pulling away and slipping the necklace over your head. The pendant rests against your chest.

 

“No! I love it Mab’s. This is amazing” you say looking back up to see your twin grinning widely. You hug her again once again realizing how lucky you are to have Mabel as your sister. You may have grown distant from her recently but in the end, the two of you are still twins and you always will be.

 

“Thank you Mabel.” you say with a smile.

 

She gives you a final big hug before turning and starting to walk back to her home with Gideon. She turns her upper torso so she could wave you a goodbye as you start your walk to the Mystery Shack.

Walking back to the Mystery Shack you start thinking back onto yesterday, thinking about needing a place to live on your own.

 

Mabel lives with Gideon, Grenda lives with Marius in Austria, Wendy is in Portland working as a lumberjack, Soos and Melody both share the Mystery Shack and then there’s you. You live in the Mystery Shack with Soos and Melody; however, it doesn't feel like home to you. Have you ever lived in a place you really felt at home in?

 

Honestly, these thoughts make you feel a bit homeless.

You really need to find a place of your own.

 

The thought itself is easy; however, it’s the doing of that thought which is hard. You could always just ask Manly Dan to build a new house somewhere in the woods but honestly, you don’t know if you want that. Thinking about living in a small house in the woods just didn't feel right, it felt exposing? There was also the possibility that Dan would try and lower the prices since you’re Wendy’s friend and one of the ‘Saviors of Gravity Falls’ as some of the townsfolk would say.

It wouldn’t be the first time someone in the falls was going to give you a discount using that as a reason.

You always turned down the offer, unlike Grunkle Stan.

 

Looking up you see the dirt path leading to the Mystery Shack. Pausing a second you pull out your pack of cigarettes and pull a single one out. You push the pack back into your pocket to instead pull out a lighter. Once the cigarette is lit you replace the lighter into your pocket and start your walk again.

You never liked smoking anywhere in town no matter if it was legal or not. That and you were scared someone would tell Mabel that you’re smoking.

The walk on the dirt path is a little unsettling. For most, it’s almost impossible not to be creeped out by the small dirt path that wound through pine trees that loomed over the path menacingly and thus no one usually comes down the path at night or when it was getting dark. The only ones on this path now would be you and possibly a supernatural creature.

 

As you walk you realize something.

Mabel never mentioned that you’re not taking your medication.

 

Gideon hasn’t told her yet. He is probably trying to find the best way to approach the topic; however, you know he won’t wait long. You sigh. There’s nothing that you would be able to do to stop him from telling her. Even if you were to start on the medication again.

Lost in thought you almost don’t notice that your cigarette is almost completely burned up. You pull the cigarette out of your mouth and consider throwing it to the ground. You hesitate though, that would mean something could eat the butt and get sick or if the embers weren’t completely extinguished it could burn the woods down.

You roll up your flannels sleeve and grind the end of the cigarette against your skin before you push the butt into your jeans pocket.

Your arm spasms a bit from the pain but it subsides into an ache that really shouldn't feel as good as it does. You look down at the injury and swallow. Your arm that was littered with both newer and older marks from previous cigarettes now had a new harsh red circular wound. The center of the wound was gently burned flesh that was already turning to a purple and yellow splotched bruise like coloration. Light ash lay on your skin.

The wound felt like it was pulsing with pain.

The combination of both pain and the sight of the injury makes a shiver of pleasure go through your body. Back when you were a preteen just discovering that you liked pain had scared the shit out of you, now though, it barely phases you.

You pull down your sleeve and hope that you can ignore the feeling of the burn until you can properly treat it.

 

* * *

 

Finally arriving to the shack you pull out your keys and unlock the door. Some would think at first that Soos and Melody locking the shack up before you could get home was rude; however, it becomes less rude once they realize that you sometimes would just spend the night at the shop. Another thing is that you would often just sleep in a tree out in the woods if you were studying something.

Those nights usually aren’t very comfortable for your back and you barely get any sleep during those nights. Well, less sleep than normal.

 

You get the door unlocked and opened, making sure to lock the door behind you, you head to the stairs so that way you can enter your room. Looking into the living area you can see Melody asleep against Soos on the couch in the living area.

Soos looks up at you with a smile.

You give a small wave in reply before continuing your way to the stairs.

 

You walk up the flight of stairs and enter your bedroom. Once your door is closed and locked too you head to your desk and plug your phone into its charger before you select one of your playlists and let the music play quietly. You look next to your desk at your bookshelf. It is filled with varying books.

You walk over and pull out journal three staring down at the golden outline of a six-fingered hand. Light gently reflects off of the metal. You sit at your desk opening the journal and you pull out a small handheld backlight from one of the drawers of your desk.

You flick on the blacklight and watch as the invisible ink burst into a gently glowing purple.

You flip through the various pages looking at the beautiful cursive that decorates each and every page.

 

Grunkle Ford had such wonderful cursive…

 

You should probably go and visit him and Grunkle Stan’s grave soon.

You and Mabel had been 18 when they passed away. It had happened in the night. They were only 74 years old and they probably should’ve lived for at least a few more years. It left a hole in Gravity Falls afterward.

You and Mabel had just finished some college courses and you were in Gravity Falls to celebrate. You yourself had been partaking in college courses online throughout high school as well and Stanford had been extremely proud of you. The courses had been in chemistry, astronomy, surgery, and art.

  

They had been so proud that you had risen high in studies. They did notice that your grades fluctuated a lot. A’s falling to D’s in only about a week until you were pulling them back up to a B.

Despite that they were always worried about you, they didn’t treat you any different which was nice. To them, you were still Mason Dipper Pines not the kid with ‘depression’.

That’s why their death hurt even more. The last people to treat you the same after your 'depression' had been exposed were gone and now everyone left acted like the slightest thing would push you over the edge. It did more harm than good.

 

You had wished them goodnight before going upstairs to try and sleep. They remained there watching tv together trying to be together as much as possible to make up for missed time.

In the morning you came downstairs exhausted due to being unable to get sleep the night before. You saw your Grunkle’s still on the couch leaning against each other. You didn’t much of that fact since it’s happened before and even at times with you and Mabel. However, this time was different. They didn’t seem right. You’re not sure what tipped you off, maybe they were too still or too pale but you walked over to them and checked their pulse through their wrist.

It was still and immediately you panicked and attempted to wake them up by shaking them.

No reaction happened and soon you were hyperventilating and dashing upstairs and pounding on Soos and Melody’s door. Soos opened the door tiredly but immediately perked up at the sight of your panic and tears.

 

He tried calming you down first but you instead grabbed his arm and dragged him downstairs hurriedly leading him to your Grunkle’s.

 

Once in the living area, Soos seemed to understand what was happening and rushed over to Stan and Ford checking them himself. Melody came bounding down the stairs with Mabel hot on her heels a moment later. You realize that she must have gone and gotten Mabel the second she realized something was wrong.

Mabel was next to you in an instant holding onto you trying to calm you down while also wanting to run to the Stan’s to check if they were okay.

She didn’t though when Soos turned around a look of absolute anguish on his face. He whispered that they were gone and that he would call Mr. and Mrs. Valentino to come retrieve them.  

Mabel was instantly in tears gripping your arm trying to ground herself but to no avail.

You had hoped that Soos would tell you that you had been wrong. That your Grunkle’s weren’t actually dead and that they were just passed out.

 

It felt as though in an instant your emotions washed away and what was left was an empty cavern. You felt numb. You barely registered Mabel holding onto you and you barely noticed anything around you.

It was half an hour later when the bodies were removed.

 

A few days when the funeral was held. Everyone in the falls showed up. Those who moved away had returned to honor the brothers. Mabel had helped put everything together despite her sorrow. You would’ve helped but… you had just shut down… Your already restless sleep turned into agonized hours upon hours just staring up at a ceiling trying to ignore the whispers that got louder with the added stress.

At the funeral you were quiet. Mabel was crying.

 

Many came to comfort the two of you. Wendy apologizing for not being in the falls for their downfall. Pacifica hugged Mabel and told you she was so sorry for what happened. Grenda and Candy were there to comfort Mabel as well. They all usually just gave you a quiet “I’m sorry” and left it at that.

There was only a small bit of humor which was when everyone saw Grunkle Stan’s tombstone.

 

A large stone that reads:

 

Stanley Pines

 The Original Mr. Mystery

        “If I die make sure I have a bigger tombstone than Ford.”

 

Everyone felt a little lighter at reading the smaller text of Grunkle Stan’s old wish. And reading Ford’s stone made them all remember what he had accomplished in the fall’s:

 

 

Stanford Pines

Brought forth many truths to many mysteries

 

 

The funeral was filled with tears and sorrow. Mabel held onto you the whole time while she broke down in tears unable to handle the death of someone so close.

Their graves had been placed a little ways off from the Mystery Shack so that they would never too far from their home. Later on, with help, the Stan O’ War II was moved to be partially buried behind their graves.

Soos had turned their gravesite into a smaller attraction to honor the two brothers. He told their story to many, though most thought it was all just a made up story.

 

At night you yourself would go out there to sit and talk to them when things got really bad.

Searching for guidance form those who had once been there for you when they still breathed. It was always hard since now you suspect whatever afterlife they went to they can see you now. They are probably disappointed in you for your acts of violence, for pushing everyone away and for mostly doing nothing with the scientific studies you had done during school. They must think of you as a failure.

 

You snap out of your memories staring down at a specific page of the journals.

 

The Bunker…

 

Then, like a light bulb lighting up you realize something. You could live in the Bunker! Or even better you could build a new bunker, a better one. One that you could live in and do whatever you wanted in. You would have to make the new rooms, build an entrance closer to town, get electricity and such setup and figure out what to do about the shifter that is inevitably still down there.

But it would be yours. Your own home.

 

Immediately you’re pulling out paper and writing stuff down, rapidly making preparations and plans for your future home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what Mabel is wearing:  
> https://www.spreadshirt.co.uk/octopuss+pun+kids+premium+t-shirt-D15470592?appearance=436&color=F7C6C8&view=1
> 
> https://www.lornajane.com/-active-outlet---shop-all-sale/-tights---sale/gothic-rose-f-l-tight/p-081743_GRP


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